


Cas Is On The Case

by Sooty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 17:07:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13768647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sooty/pseuds/Sooty
Summary: A short crack fiction in which Castiel gathers the gang together to 'out' someone.  He's been planning this for a long time, and he has his own motives.  Destiel mentions.





	Cas Is On The Case

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when there's a hiatus. None of this is serious at all
> 
> There are some references to Destiel and Sabriel is you squint.

**Castiel is ready to out someone in the group**

“I’ve gathered you all here today”, Castiel paced the room doing his best Columbo impression.  “Because… I mean, little things bother me. I’m a worrier. I mean, things like this.  They worry me.  They make me sick to my stomach’

“Cas, what is this about?”, Sam was getting impatient.  The farmers market would close soon

“Well, Sam, it’s quite simple.  I was, you know.  Minding my own business really.  Going through everyone’s wardrobes. The usual”

“Cas, what the hell?!”, Dean had asked Castiel to stay out of his closet on many occasions.  They could only be in the closet together

“When I discovered something….shocking!”, Castiel had their attention.  

  


“Castiel, that’s nonsense”.  Mary grew tired of the angel drama at times.  They were so high maintenance

“Wait…what’s a furry?”, Jack looked around the room for an answer.

“Oh my God”, Claire gaped at Jack in astonishment.  “Nobody tell him”.

“I’ll tell him”, Kaia looked over to Jack.  She was going to wreck his world

“This is so stupid and disturbing”, Sam addressed the room.  “I’m so disappointed in you Dean”.

“Me?”, offended, Dean looked over at Sam.  His eyebrows crossed with judgement.  “Why would it be me?  You’re the freak.  God knows what you read on AOE”

“AO3″, Sam was a little embarrassed to say that.   But how could he pass on an opportunity to correct Dean?

“Yeah, indulging your weird elbow fetish?”, Dean had scored one.  One for Dean, he was sure Sam would be devastated.  Dean was as devastatingly silver of tongue as Cas was handsome.  At least in Dean’s mind, in Dean’s mind his comebacks were scathing.  Also Castiel’s detective act was stupid.  Stupid and… you know.  The weird detective act was kind of hot too.  Oh wait, people are still talking-

“Could we you know?  Have the kids leave the room?”, Donna was getting concerned.   

“No!”, Gabriel was sure of this.  “They are practically adults, old enough to learn about kink shaming.   God I love it!”.

“But furries and elbow fetishes?”, Jody sounded grossed out.

“Oh yeah”, Donna snickered sarcastically.  “And your ear thing is sooo normal”.

“Cas!”, Sam had had enough.  “Just tell us whose wardrobe you were in.  And also…stop going through people’s things.  We’ve talked about this”.

“Don’t yell at him Sammy!”

“I never even raised my voice, Dean”.

“I’ll yell at him later”.

“What is a furry?!”, Jack was yelling now.  No one was answering him

“It’s when you love junk food”, Kaia provided helpfully

“Ohhh”, Jack smiled.  “Guys”, he was so excited at his revelation. “Guys I’m a furry”.

“You are not!  Look I’m sorry, but everyone under 25 please leave the room”, Sam had to be the mature one.  Again.  Why didn’t anyone else ever do the mature thing?   He could be immature too.  Booby.  There he thought it.  And dicks, dicks, dicks, dicks

“I can hear your thoughts!”, Gabriel smiled at Sam.  He looked thrilled.  And a little excited

Only the adults remained in the room now

“What did you find Cas?”, Dean didn’t really want to know.  But it was out there now.   If he didn’t find out who the furry was they would all remain suspects in his mind forever

“A fursuit”

“Well, that’s not super incriminating”, Donna answered.  Wanting to be helpful.  “And I happen to believe in a little thing called privacy so”

“DONNA!”, Jody almost jolted out of her chair

“It’s not me!”, how could Jody even think that of Donna?   Sure she had her own strange little…hobbies.  But being a furry wasn’t one of them

“I still think it’s Dean”

“Oh shut up Sam.  I would have already admitted to it by now”

“Yeah, like you admit to the gay thing?”

“W-what?  What?  What gay thing!’

Castiel threw a book at the wall in a rage.  “We are not here to talk about Dean’s _little thing!’_

“My thing isn’t little!’ _  
_

“Cas”, Sam started.  “I love you  so much.  But if that was one of MY books-”

“It wasn’t Sam.  It was my journal”

“Why would you throw your own journal?”

“For the drama Sam.   For the drama”

Gabriel started flickering the lights.  Castiel wasn’t going to be the only dramatic angel in the room

“Fess up whose getting grade two pervy Cas?”, Gabe was disturbing

Castiel began to pace again.  He didn’t bother looking at the group.  Instead he looked all around the room.  “I gotta take off this coat. I can’t think in this coat…THE COAT, I can’t think in the coat”

“Take it off Cas”, Jody offered helpful

“That’s what Dean said”, Donna answered.  Jody and Donna chuckled

“I. Am. In. The. Room… _friends_!”, Dean was being mocked, again.  How dare they?

“Screw this!  It was me!”.  Mary stood.  Everyone was aghast.  Sam appeared to repress the urge to be sick.  “I didn’t know at the time…I didn’t know.  But YOU Cas.  How dare you, publicly, talk about this?!  What could I have possibly done to you?  To make you do something so disturbing?”.

“You know what you did Mary”.   

“This is…this is about when I took that puppy off you?  I was being reasonable.   You can’t just sneak dogs in here”

“He can if he really wants too!”, Sam piped up.

“No dogs”, Dean almost whispered back

“Yes Mary this is all about the puppy.  Sir Paddafoot.  You stole him from me.  And I told you then.  I told you.   A day will come when you think you are safe and happy, and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth. And you willknow the debt is paid”. 

Sir Paddafoot was avenged


End file.
